Never Ending Grief
Another relative gone too soon. Drugs, violence, illnesses. Another system shrugging its shoulders. Health, media, "security", justice. The grief piles on top of more grief. We are so numb from sadness and loss that we can barely feel the disrespect and disregard from entire systems. We can only ask for help (scream into the void) for so long before we realize no one is coming to help. But still we scream, still we ask for help - because our loved ones deserve care, safety and love. I know it sounds grim, but this is how many are feeling right now. What does our community need to do to confront this compiling grief and inability for systems to provide basic needs for our relatives in greatest need?
In recent weeks loved ones have left far too soon. The reasons are varied but they all point to too many living lives where they are forced into situations where they can not care for or provide for themselves and especially cannot care for or provide for their dependants and loved ones. The many families like mine who are grieving right now don’t even have time to process their emotions about one loss before another one occurs. The result is overwhelming grief and emotional wounds that feel like they will never heal. Overdoses. Health complications. Suicide. Violence. There are some losses with questions that even an autopsy won't be able to provide answers to.
more than thoughts & prayers
And the systems responsible for safety and care? More thoughts and prayers if an answer is even issued at all. Systems are overflowing with responsibilities and always evolving complex individual and community wide challenges with what feels like less and less resources. I know when I try to check the news it is often so depressing and traumatizing that I have to take breaks just to process all of the bad things happening in our small corner of the world. Every now and then we hear about helpers or the good things happening but it feels like throwing a drop of water at an out of control fire. How do we take care of our selves better so we are in a position to counter all of the sadness and darkness out there?
In an unkind world, compassion and kindness are revolutionary. In a world where there is so much sickness, sometimes we have to be the medicine. When there is darkness all around us we have to be the sun shine and stand in the light; we must welcome those around us to shine too. Anyone who has heard me speak about facing challenges that feel impossible will know that one of the first things I want people to work on is making sure they have robust and supported self care and community care plans. We do this because we need our revolutionary thinkers and helpers for the long term and we can’t let burn out take away the very people with the heart and vision required to overcome what we face today. Please, let’s take care of ourselves and each other.
I don’t know how to stem the tide of never ending grief that we are experiencing. I know that I am called to work at system levels to help improve health, history, education and child welfare. I know that I am passionate about strength based perspectives and measurements. I know that when I have a chance to influence people and systems to be proactive and to take informed action to support our relatives struggling in grief and other forms of darkness, that I do so with urgency and with love. I ask that you too do what you can in your circle of influence to encourage systems to act quickly and boldly so our relatives experiencing hardships know they are not alone and receive tangible supports and not just thoughts or prayers. As for my own healing journey, I will take the time and space that I can to feel my feelings, be with family and try to live a good life like my lost loved ones would have wanted me too. And once I have taken the time I need, I will redouble my efforts towards improving these systems.
Radical
I am radical enough to believe we need a health care system that is free and accessible to everyone in our community. I believe we need to look at poverty like a crisis, the same way we did in the vocid-19 pandemic, and reorganize our systems, financial supports (and everything!) in a new way that better fits the world we are currently in. I am radical enough to believe that if we focus on our solutions first and stop getting distracted by or insulting people who think differently than us, we can accomplish radical results like ending homelessness, addiction and poverty. I promise to keep working if you will do your part, too.
I guess what I am really trying to say is two things; first, my condolences to everyone who is experiencing grief and loss right now, I hope you have access to the circle of support you need whole you grieve. For me, it helps to remember the different stages of grief, understanding I may jump from one feeling to another. And finally, if you are one of the people who wants to make things better: keep going, keep shining! The world needs your light and your example is medicine. This grief may feel never ending, but our love for our families is stronger.
